This Dog Won't Go Potty Without A What?!

We have three dogs, only one of which is mine. Lancelot. The handsome Australian shepherd in the video above, whom I named during my King Arthur faze when that movie came out in 2004. Give me a break, I was 14. The golden retriever is my brother's (who lives in Oregon right now), and the black one is the last two's baby, my sister's dog (also in Oregon), Ember. We got her before the ladies were fixed. My dog's still a man.

They're great dogs. Ember stalks me Juvia style as if I were Gray Fullbuster from Fairy Tail. Not even kidding. In fact, because she's a dog, and doesn't have to practice discretion at any time, it's worse. Lance is super sweet and cute, and very protective. And then there's Scout...

We love Scout. She's beautiful, barks at her food, loves to go for car rides, and sometimes likes sleeping in my room.

There's just one thing. The lady WILL NOT STEP OUTSIDE WITHOUT A BABYSITTER. I don't know why this is, or what it's all about. I mean. It's not like there are any werewolves out there. This is California. If she needs to be worried about anything it would be a chupacabra...er...I mean, coyote?

Anyway. This is a problem. It's nice to just be able to open up the backdoor, and let them loose to do there thing without having to stand there and watch. Except...she won't go if you don't go with her. Im totally serious. She will hold it 'till she can't hold it no more. And even if the door is wide open, she will choose to poop in the den in front of the door, before stepping a foot outside without someone there for her.

I get it. We all have our phobias. Mine's Jim Henson puppets (not Muppets. For some reason they don't bother me). I can't watch The Never Ending Story, Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal etc... without totally freaking out. Even mentioning them in this post is causing my heart rate to get a little uncomfortable. So moving on...

Actually, that's it. Ha ha.

Well here. Try a Dog Owner's Boot Camp...sounds like a Cesar thing, yeah? Or this one, The Dog Training System. And while you're at it, make some Healthy Dog Food. Homemade style. They'll love you.

Always believe in you, my friends!